Log in

No account? Create an account
rubher balls [entries|friends|calendar]
Cptn Bob

[ website | mio websito ]
[ userinfo | livejournal userinfo ]
[ calendar | livejournal calendar ]

Randomness [13 Jul 2010|06:21pm]
[ mood | hot ]

Just to put it out there..... I haven't signed into livejournal and couldn't really remember the name of it for... well... quite a long time. But anyway, just wanted to post a lovely link to our company just so that if anyone stumbles upon my super-cool old writings on livejournal they can see what I'm up to now....

We do web design, multimedia production, videos, photography, print design and all that great stuff.... ShinyGoldShoes http://www.shinygoldshoes.com

Oh yea, and I'm living in Samolaco Italy... Yep, it's near Chiavenna, which is near St. Moritz and really close to Lago di Como.... it's 100 km north of Milano. Let's see.... also, I have a chunky monkey lady now.... she's almost 1 1/2 years old.... wow, it's been a long time since I wrote on here :D

Happy times!


lose it for me

McCain, Palin, and the religious right [04 Nov 2008|05:21am]
Learn about what you're voting for!!!

1 sex change| lose it for me

The Animated John McCain [04 Nov 2008|05:19am]
Here's a video about John McCain... Watch it!
lose it for me

the end is not near, the end is not here [15 Oct 2007|05:36pm]
[ mood | enraged ]

The end is not near, the end is not here: focus god damnit!

Indebted to everyone, I've fucked my way down the ladder
Coming up with nothing but myself in my broken hands
I was warned but my supposed strength has raped me
Taken, stolen from myself I have destroyed it all

Again, I don't know what it is that eats it way through me
But he is a creature created by me and my stupidity
Grow up little boy, grow up and stop kidding yourself
These dreams are not dreams for life but for sleep
So let those dreams have their time and build your own
For a time that is here, a time that is now

Praying for death can create a monster
Believing that death is near has created many
Bring me back to me, bring me back to me
Something set me free from my obsurdity

lose it for me

[23 Dec 2006|09:31pm]
So, I figure that Jesus must be where I am not, and must listen to where I do not speak.... so I figure Jesus must hang around LiveJournal a lot......... So, yep.... All I want for Christmas is a fucking decent job....... ya hear me?!
Merry god damn christmas, mother fuckers!
lose it for me

to the end of helplessness [06 Nov 2006|12:19pm]

Today is the day where the sky falls from below
To pull us up and all we 'know'
An unbeliever, a cruel deciever
This special hope of home and home of hope
It is all passed to the one and only past

In a wish, my only dream
To be the reciever, unthought achiever
Something that a donkey could do
Stolen, cheated, tried and 'true'
To work, to breathe, nothing free
What I don't have, but laugh for this
One day, where love, the free, will flee?

lose it for me

happy post? [27 Oct 2006|01:08pm]
[ mood | accomplished ]

So, it seems like something happy might be coming along...............
I have an interview on Monday and hopefully I have another one coming Tuesday or Wednesday with a Post-production house... am back doing a little work for Dawn, so I got money coming in.... so we'll see what happens! Also, talked to the people at Framestore CFC (the biggest Post house in Europe) and applied for a job there yesterday...... so is stuff happening? Well... yes, good stuff bad stuff... it'll all be sorted out soon!
Bad stuff first...

Bad stuff:
Ordered a new debit card from my bank, but they sent it to my old address. Someone, oh so kindly used it and took £300 from my account, so got my incompetent bank (HSBC, do NOT EVER get an account or do business with them!) to refund my money... then, they sent another card to me, but not to me, to my old address again!... which I had to go and cancel, and now I'm supposed to be going to pick up my new card (and FINALLY have access to my money after 3 weeks of this pathetic bullshit!) today....

Got my bike stolen yesterday.... of course, not in Peckham, no, people don't really steal stuff here, cause everyone is expected to already be poor... of course, it was in Kensington... Road my (little bike, got it on eBay for £1) bike to work yesterday and, vwalla, it dissapeared 30 minutes after I locked it up... fuckers!

Good stuff:
The final interview for London Underground on Monday... not the greatest job, but it pays £22,000 a year and I get free travel

An interview (hopefully) early next week for the post production job that the guy called me early this morning about. He said that I was being unreasonable asking for £20,000 and should be asking AT LEAST for £24-25,000, so yea..... money money money... and a fucking cool job! :D So, like... ah, the idea that together me and Arianna'll be making £50,000+ ($100,000) a year together is slightly encouraging... especially being that we're supposed to be buying a house in the next year or so.... so whatever! So, yep... if I do end up getting this job, well... I'm taking everyone out for a wonderful night of craziness!!!!

I've put myself on a nice cocktail of drugs to sort the whole mood/bi-polar/manic depression thing... am on 500mg of Taurine (the stuff in energy drink), Ginkgo, St John's Wort, Iron (with B-12), and cod liver oil every day... have been trying to exercise more and stuff... and really, I feel a lot better!(it's gotten me to get off my ass!) :D

Am almost done with THE RING... no, not the shitty remake of a half-way decent Japo-film... the RING... Arianna's ring... have been working on it now for like 2 months and have finally gotten my soldering down pretty good and have been using some decent tools to make it what I want it to be.... going to ask the big question some time soon, but I want to have a job and be a bit sorted out so I can attempt to talk to her dad and not seem like a total loser who's willing to leech off his daughter forever............ so, whatever... we'll see how everything goes! (if you must know, which I'm sure you don't care, it's 18ct yellow gold with two 2-point champagne diamonds, two 3-point blue-green diamonds, and one 1ct aquamarine as the main stone... it's all spirally and looks quite organic... I kinda like it ;))

and that's that...

2 sex changes| lose it for me

can't take it anymore!!!! [24 Sep 2006|11:34pm]

So, I can't decide anymore..............................

Fuck, I hate relationships! I don't want to die, I thought I did, but I just want to live..... and I'm not sure it's going to be happening here........................... It's cold, it's way too cold..........

In the end, it's all the same
I can not take the fish, it is dead
They always die with their mouths closed tight
A bit of blood here and there, but
Never a care in the world
The more I cry for it to stop,
The more they insist on their own demise
The more I care
The tighter the rope seems to run
Round my neck and cock
Who says they don't have any feelings?
Sadistic cunts cum with the pain
Of an easy arrow, missing it's close-mouthed target

1 sex change| lose it for me

when days get better... [15 Aug 2006|04:32pm]
So, life seems to be getting quite a lot better...............
Yesterday I got 3 replies from the BBC.... 2 were rejections... 1 was telling me to send a letter with more information, so I'm to the next stage with that job.... ok, so being an archivist for the BBC probably isn't the most exciting thing in the world, but hey... it's not the worst either... and I'd probably make enough to get by and all that :S so whatever...
But yes, I got my money back from UEL!!!.... and they gave me more than I expected, so I am happy! :D Maybe I'll go shopping or something? Yea, I already did, but I want to get more food... I always do this when I go from having nothing to quite a bit.... buy TONS of food......
lose it for me

lonely day..... [12 Aug 2006|11:00pm]
Do you ever feel you can't move your arms.... and you just can't do what you're supposed to to save your life........
So, instead of going to Priya's leaving thing I stayed at the festival then talked to my dad for an hour or so and yea.... it became 10 something..... 

I don't want to be pathetic
I don't want to be pathetic
I don't want to be pathetic
but it's cold!!!

It's going to snow in August
It's going to snow in August
It's going to snow in August
the world is done

that's the great thing about humanity...
we have the power to destroy ourselves and everything else...
and we do.....

want to know the great thing about racism?
white people fuck their relatives!

Yes, today is a day to say whatever.... wait, whatever happen to every day being like that....
oh, the paranoia that it might be the paranoia from the guy named charley between my eyes?
nope, well.... maybe.... but no more..... I don't care I don't care!
I'm tired of boring myself by repeating the line 'I'm bored'
Don't you love when you have half a beer left when you thought it was done?!

In the end, I have what everyone could only dream of, but that's the annoying thing about dreams....
They don't mean anything to anyone else, unless you can create a commodity out of them...
Thus... prostitution....
You see, I have the love that everyone could only dream of.... but, well... it ain't for sale, mother fuckers.... so....
I am allowed to be in love and proud of myself for that, yet...
Empty of all the things that I am taught to want and in the end, forced to need....

Simply put, the so-called 'civilised', also-called 'over-populated and insane' parts of the world function on a system of representation....
It has become hard for me to write if it doesn't go somewhere lately.... I feel unproductive, although, my entire life runs a race of counterproductivity....
If you were really smart you would guess that the next section of text would start to get smaller untill it became only a few words, then...
Back up to almost as long as the longest one......... but that's ok...
I don't expect anything from you....

So, I talked to my dad today.... I think he's starting to sort his shit out....
We were back to talking politics and about the death and destruction of the world...
Do men ('real men') talk about politics so much, because they halfway in the backs of their minds, wish that they were the ones who were in charge of the death and destruction of things?
Or, do they feel that they could change things?

Personally, I feel that Stalin had some good ideas..........
Ok, so, he did some horrible things and was (supposedly) nuts...
But, fuck..... honestly, if I had a chance to kill say, 1 million people.... I think it'd take me a bit o' time to choose, but... I could find that many people who we all could do a lot better without...
Ok, but here's why.... and that same reason is the same reason that wars exist.....
The problems of the world surround a few families who control everything... obviously, the million people who I would torture and slaughter if I had the chance would be those people...
The obvious problem with this is..... it's playing the same war game as they are..... therefore, does 'talking politics', if you are truly talking and not just dicking around 'issues' popular to the public..... if you really mean what you say, does that mean that you're willing to become part of this eternal war of the kings of earth (we could call it)... or, is it a role playing game? Is it playing chess.... meaningless, able to start and end at any time with no real purpose or goal, besides winning your side... no one really dies, just the symbols of said piece...

Insert short story for the hell of it (whilst listening to music, needing to clean the house, drinking a beer, and all that comes with everything and nothing and aren't I.... fuck off!)

10 bells and a 7 fingered bitch

"Oi! It's Rosie, I's thoughts she was dun fur when dats lorrie knock her down."
"Naw, I ain't missin much a'all!"
"Oi! Get me girl a pint 'n maybe a plasta fur hur 'and..."

The End

So, yes............ I am happy to be alive.... I feel ugly and cold.... but at least I'm not Iris out camping........ oh, that's horrible to say....... but maybe it's warm in Cornwall?...... :(
I keep seeing things out of the corners of my eyes and it's cold..... is sitting in a house by yourself with all the shades drawn pathetic?... we'll see how pathetic it is.... fuck, the girl'll kill me if I close  her 'ficus window'....

fuck, time to go sort the house out... fuck!!!!
lose it for me

carnival! [05 Aug 2006|01:07pm]
[ mood | content ]

So, it's carnival time again....
I didn't know that there's a Southwark Carnival, kind of Notting Hill style.... so yep... Arianna left at 1030 and nothing was going on, so I decided to take a little nap... well, it extended itself to 1pm and I woke up to music that was a LOT louder than I've ever had float through my window.... so, I figured I don't know what... the people at the dental office were having a bit of a time... but nope.... there was a huge carnival going by with floats, dancing people in funny outfits, djs, and lots of noise.... so, I guess they're trying to get people up to the music thing later.... I might go, we'll see... I'm thinking about going to the festival up at Regent's Park, but we'll see.... this one'll probably be a lot cooler... less 'look at me' to it... but with thousands of people... I remember the Latino festival (which is day two of this festival, which goes all week) had like 10 thousand + people up there dancing around in Burgess Park... we'll see how it goes....

yee haaaaaaaaaaaaa...... perque?... no lo so!.... but yep, it's something to do.... I have WAY too much food to eat today....... Last night me and the lady went to '805', this really nicely presented 'upper end' African restaurant... I never knew that there were any African places here that created food to be presented, but it was really pretty and tasted... well... it was addicting!... It was really odd eating there... I felt so weird, we could barely get a table (there were probably 50 tables, and we got number 49)... and like, it added to it that we were the ONLY people not from Africa there.... it was a nice restaurant, but the atmosphere was crazy and loud, it was really cool... We didn't mean to go there... we were supposed to go to this Elvis Graceland Palace Chinese restaurant... they have an Elvis that sings there every night.... but yep, couldn't find it... so waaaaa... the African stuff was good!... Tasted like the food we had at this Nigerian place we accidently went to in Vauxhall one time, but this was a LOT better and the presentation was fantastic! Had a nice time!

So, yep... today's when I need to decide something.... where am I going?..... no, not in my life.... where am I going, like.... what park am I going to go to for their festival?.... I think Priya's going to some park... Hyde Park? and Dawn's trying to get me to come up to Regent's Park with her and Flo and blah blah blah.... maybe I'll go to all of them!

lose it for me

the same [29 Jul 2006|10:06pm]
[ mood | sitting down ]

So, is it just me or do I think too much (yet too little)?
So, I'm tired of thinking, of ripping everything apart, of creating something from nothing... I just want to sort my life out....
Where does it start?... Well... UEL... the fuckers owe me £1500+, but keep fucking me around, instead of giving me my money back!!!!! god fucking damnit!.... Ah, other thing I need: a job!
Yes, in the end, I hate myself for not working my ass off (or really even, getting off my ass) to get a job.... I'm just really scared..... of so many things, really.... not even sure what any of them are.... am so in love with a girl that I don't want to hurt, but the fear of hurting her (by fucking my whole life up) incopacites me.......... thus, thinking is pointless.... knowledge is not only a producing power, but a destructive barrier leading to its own meaninglessness...... so yea, fuck all these 'thinkers'... I'm through, cocksuckers (you're all mother-fucking, homo-erotic, self-obsessed, do-nothing whores anyway!)............

By the way, I'm back in London...... fuck, the insanity in L'America is incomprehensible..... I can't help but to drink and listen to Pink Floyd now that I'm back......................

1 sex change| lose it for me

I'm in the mood.... [18 Jun 2006|10:49am]
So, I have realised what makes 'good sex'..... it is both people openly admitting to eachother that they want eachother.... not just verbally, but well... through everything... 
It is my thought that 'erectile disfunction' doesn't really exist as a physical problem, but as a mental/emotional instance of not being attracted to your partner on an emotional level, but conciously proclaiming (to yourself and them) to be attracted to them...
Just some thoughts, really...
2 sex changes| lose it for me

[12 Jun 2006|01:56pm]

So, ah.... I keep noticing that like.... I really like Arianna.... yep.... soooooo very much.... and, I don't want to be at work right now.... at home would be really nice.... yep.... 'relaxing' in my bed.... yes yes yes.... oh, it would be so nice!.... She is so wonderful!....
Ok, and now last night.... You wouldn't expect it, I'm sure.... but had quite the bit to drink last night.... of course, we had a party for Jill's bithday.... so... well, she wasn't here for her own birthday, of course.... she was in L'America... but yep, we had to go and have a party kinda BBQ... was grand!.... Iris and Andrew were there, which was cool... Mei Mei showed up for an hour.... Chuck was there, which made me really happy... Elita, Tyeisha, and Tyeisha's quite boring and attitudinal (is it a word?) boyfriend.... and then a bunch of Italian folk... let's see can I remember who was there.... Pier, his sister, Paulino, Roberto, Roberto's 'friend', Marianna, of course Arianna and Sciattarina, umm... I don't remember who else....
People who replied saying they'd be there, but didn't show: Priya (oh, Priya, Priya, Priya..... tut tut... see, I'm english!), Hetty and 'Dim', Dawn and Allan, Cesar and his wife, and a few other people who I can't remember...
So, tonight going to some place for the Italy World Cup game at some place in Soho with most of the people from last night... I think, supposedly, we're getting a private room at this big club which has the game on plasma screens... so should be quite cool....

3 sex changes| lose it for me

GOD IS JUST A STATISTIC!!!! [09 Jun 2006|09:24pm]
[ mood | empty ]

Fucking, mother fuck!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! So, I'm going mad over this immigration thing....
......and.... oh, fucking god damn piece of shit life can be some times..........!! Mother fuck! Today ah! I needed to go out to my school and sort out my money that they owe me, but everything was closed and it took me forever to get out there and AH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! My whole day was an absolute waste.... nothing good about today, yippee, hip hip horray, jolly fucking gay bullshit!
So, yes, immigration stuff...... I'm not sure how I'm going to sort immigration stuff out.... I should've called the immigration people today, but I didn't... so now I'm going to be nervous about it for another bit until I get to call them.... whenever that it.....

that is all I feel
I'm just scared
of so much 

I dissapear and it's gone
but returning.....

lose it for me

[29 May 2006|10:33am]
God, this woman who just came in to the shop (the shop I've been working at lately is in the former house of William Blake) is the one of the most disgusting 'human beings' I've ever seen in my life... fucking horrible!.... As dumb as shit, or well... actively ignorant like Paris Hilton could only dream of....... I don't even know how to say it... attempting to make conversation with the girl who is working on her from Lithuania and basically lumping all central and eastern European people (and Russian) into one category, trying to talk about country politics.... fuck, how the fuck do stupid chicks like this end up with a lot of money?... ah, they get together with masaginistic narcisists and she lets them do whatever they want to her......
Ah, now she's about 'going to the country' and trying to impress all of us with her talkings to her mother.... why do I want her to burn you ask?.... The entire world is made up of absolutes to her....... 'I promise', 'you have my word', 'give me 5 minutes, not even', '45 minutes exactly'........... people ask 'how did the holcaust/shoah/whatever happen?'... how fucking stupid are you...... it is absolutes; a life of 'this is how it is', 'this is what the problem is'.... then of course, I wrote this in 'absolute terms'....... so I'm probably right up there too.... But this is the main thing, questioning yourself... If you do not question yourself you can kill without a thought... This is where the problem with education in the last 50 years has failed misribly: not teaching people how to think, but what to think.
2 sex changes| lose it for me

motherfuck [30 Apr 2006|08:14pm]
I'm getting tired of myself and my lazy fucking self!
Whatever...... I'm sorting shit out.... god, I can't believe I wasted this whole day!!!! fuck!
and not only that, because I'm not finishing stuff off like I want to, well... I can't let myself relax either...
ok, I need to write this shit before I go out tonight! fuck fuck fuck...
(I need a splif!)
lose it for me

stable/unstable [20 Apr 2006|11:20am]
so... I was in Italy the last few days visiting the girlfriend's family and friends and everything for Easter...... and yep, being all stressed out and half-nuts at the moment I wasn't exactly the most entertaining thing to be around...... fuck! Oh, I just wish I could speak better Italian and then it wouldn't have added to my stress being there... and MOTHER FUCKER!!! This wireless network won't fucking connect!!
But yea..... here's what I have to do before the 15th.....
8000 words - dissertation
1500 words - essay on funraising
2500 words - essay on social theory
2500 words - essay on funraising
2500 words - essay on world cinema
17,000 words.........
@ 200 words per page.......
85 pages

So, in Italy... had a great time with the girlfriend's friends, cause I was drunk as fuck and forgot everything that I was worried about (and hurt my back again) and was able to use my Italian to the best I could (I just made fun of everybody and had a grand time), but yea.... being that well... here's a list of what I can remember I drank the first night....
2 glasses of red wine @ buja
2 glasses of red @ dinner
2 shots of grappa @ dinner
3 double rum and cokes (cuba libre) @ buja
2 shots of tequila @ buja
1 sol @ le kleb
1/2 of a 2 litre jug of beer @ le kleb
1/2 of another double cuba libre @ le kleb
>>>inserted later<<<
I forgot, also... a beer at this place at 6 in the morning... we raced to see who could drink it the fastest...
and this other shooter which had quinine in it, so I can't believe I didn't throw up!

--------- that's the night, or what I can remember....
round about..... 30 units of alcohol.....
vwalla..... I'm not dead! (and I didn't have a hangover, because I was still drunk when I went to church in the morning... holy water cures all ailments....)
2 sex changes| lose it for me

my fucking house smells like shit! [29 Mar 2006|03:49pm]
1 day left....

Today I told them to leave and do something.... I feel bad, because they wouldn't leave the house without Arianna, so she's having to take them around London (a place that they don't really seem interested in). They came here, it seems, to get away from their previous relationships, yet all as they do is bitch about their last partners.... I'm fucking tired of it and can't get any school work done... I NEED TO WORK ON MY DISSERTATION!!!.... I am not a fucking monkey and I will not do tricks for random idiots when I am busy (although, I am writing all this random shit on the internet for everyone to read instead of doing what I need to do)

They're almost gone; I'm just afraid I'm going to be horrible to them today or tomorrow.... I've stayed a little stoned a little drunk most of the time they've been here, so it's been doable.

Also, they keep playing the same CDs over and over and over and over and over on my stereo and it's making me go crazy!.... OK, so I like Greenday - Dookie, but like..... I listened to it last night... they beautifully decided to put it on again this morning, then when it finished, press play again, and then.... when it finished.... yea....... I ran over and grabbed the CD out of there saying 'no fucking way, it's making me go crazy'.... so what do we get?....... oh, back to the CD that gets worked in constantly 'Lene Marlin'... fucking horrible, burn it if you find it.... no, too significant to burn something..... just ignore it and maybe, bump it into some crack that no one notices....
lose it for me

cigarettes and apathy asking for it [23 Mar 2006|11:54am]
So, the cigarettes were lit up this morning at about 9... but luckily, that means they left around 10... vwalla!
fuck, now off to school in a less than warm state.... I can't decide whether to give this letter to Arianna or not......... it's not exactly one of those happy things............ I'll read it over a hundred times and see what I think....
2 sex changes| lose it for me

updates and more updates... [22 Mar 2006|06:17pm]
Fuck me! They're back!.... So, they left to go to Greenwich at 2:30.... got back at 5:30.... IF YOU WANT TO GO ON HOLIDAY AND JUST SIT THERE GO TO SOMEWHERE NICE!!!!
lose it for me

gettin' better..... [22 Mar 2006|12:33pm]
oh, well........ fuck.... they didn't know that I'm vegetarian..... and I didn't know what was in the pasta until after I ate half of it........ now my stomach's fucked!..... yippee for smoked ham................. fuck...... hopefully I won't throw up everywhere in a few minutes.... it is now almost 1pm and they haven't left the house...... if I was a tourist in another country, I would go outside!
(more updates on guests at my house later, check back for more self-indulgent, yet masochistic posts later)
1 sex change| lose it for me

....women are insane and don't know what they want! [22 Mar 2006|11:10am]
[ mood | sexually frustrated ]

there're people in my house!
yep, random Italian people.... I can't concentrate.... and they just sit here and smoke cigarettes.... nothing else.... just smoke....
Yippee! I got yelled at last night at like 3 o'clock for the way I (doing a favour) hung up the laundry by a girlfriend who seems to be perpetually sick and.... blah! I just want to live away on a nudist island with lots of beautiful women!.... or.... really, for the time being..... I just want to be able to walk around my house without my clothes on and not have to smell cigarettes being lit of the last one.... or have to put up with the girlfriend going nuts at me about every little thing...
....oh, I think I just need to get laid....... blah!
Whatever.... getting a new laptop soon.... yippeeio.... I want to destroy all technology and live in a cave or treehouse, but a new laptop will work for now...
...oh, the people staying in the other room bought sugar, so they're a bit better (they'll be a LOT better once I have my beer that I just put in the fridge....)
...........I was told that I 'don't care about what I feel like you just want what you want' yesterday, so I'm making no moves of any kind.... I'm fucking tired of bullshit with women! They complain if you don't fuck the shit out of them, but then when you do they compain that you don't care about anything else and you don't care about 'what they want'.... fuck off! women are insane!

2 sex changes| lose it for me

[ viewing | most recent entries ]
[ go | earlier ]